So as it turns out being the caretaker to a newborn ain’t easy, seeing as neither of you know what the hell he wants (is there an app for that yet??).
People don’t like to tell you the truth about the first few weeks, simply claiming they “forgot” as it was blurred by the bliss and miracle of this new angel (insert eyeroll)… I’m thinking it’s simply a front made to protect you from any premature fear.
And I’m not here to burst any bubbles, I’m in love with our lil dude… but let’s get real. Assuming you had any kind of life before, this is one hell of an adjustment.
If you’re toying with the idea of a baby, make sure you’ll have TIME and INFINITE amounts of patience. Or marry a billionaire and have a Kardashian style nurse squad.
Things to Expect:
You will contemplate suicide within the first week. Probably in the middle of the night when you’re trying to figure out what the hell your whaling baby needs while your confidence is still at an all time low.
There will come a day where you will find yourself sobbing for no reason at all. You can blame this on the fact that your 10 months of super high estrogen levels just plummeted through the ground in a matter of days. Your partner will ask you what’s wrong. There is no answer. Cry it out sister.
You will want to bash your head through a concrete wall some days when it seems nothing you do is right. Resist the urge to seek too much advice from too many people… trial and error is where it’s at. Remember, you are this kids bitch right now. That is your job.
You will likely read WAY too many online forums and develop slightly obsessive ideas in your head about being a shitty mom. Every kid is different, don’t trust the internet. Trust only your pediatrician and vent to your other mommy friends. Noone is perfect.
Contrary to popular belief, breastfeeding is not a gift everyone is born with. It can be challenging and might very well start of with pain & tears – but if you’ve chosen this route and believe in all the benefits, stay focused. It gets easier. * I recommend going to a breastfeeding clinic and getting hands on experience.
Also: Lanolin Cream.
You can count on snarky comments and general bitchiness between you and your mate. Just remember it’s Chuckie that’s making you do it. Say sorry.
Seems like sleep deprivation and breastfeeding are quite the post baby diet plan. Given that you weren’t eating for a family of four when you were preggs, all those pounds will magically shed right off.
I’d also like to take this time to give serious props to single moms everywhere. I couldn’t have survived this without the support of hubs and have a whole new respect for these women. Pillars of strength.
Recommended Literature / Websites:
Shitty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us
Heading Home With Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality
Sleep Sense: Solutions for Child Sleep Problems
The Happiest Baby on the Block
The Man’s Guide to Having a Baby
Besides the irrefutable glory of Italian design, fashion, music, food, wine and women (the list is long) – there’s Italian Film.
The film opens with a quote from Journey to the End of The Night:
“To travel is very useful, it makes the imagination work, the rest is just delusion and pain. Our journey is entirely imaginary, which is its strength.”
Directed & CoWritten by Paolo Sorrentino, this beautifully cinematographic movie captures the Italian high life and all it’s glory; indulgent, elegant, and charmingly authentic. The film follows main character 65 year old famed novelist Jep Gambardella (Toni Servillo) as he reflects on his life with unique wit and philosophy.
I strongly recommend you hop on iTunes, do yourself a favour and rent this.* Note if you’re in Canada, you’ll need a US acct. because noone loves us.
WATCH THE TRAILER
The Great Beauty is an utterly ravishing portrait of listless luxuriance, a fantasy of decadent wealth and beauty that evokes Fellini’s La Dolce Vita by way of Baz Luhrmann.
- Geoff Pevere, Globe & Mail
ALSO – I guarantee this Bob Sinclar track from the soundtrack will be stuck in your head for days if not WEEKS. It literally played in my head WHILE I slept…
.. someone’s not a basic bitch.
Japanese Wallpaper (ft. Wafia) – Breathe In (Daktyl Remix)
How about January Jones for Violet Grey?!!
Opulent. Mystical. Dynamic.
Shot by Ben Hassett
Read the interview here: